I haven't forgotten about you

Breviary is going well.

So you want to get married outside the church...

Dear [Name redacted],

FLOWER MOUNTAIN WEDDINGS
SEVIERVILLE, TN

I see this a lot. My first questions were just to get a clearer sense for where you and your fiancé are. 

There’s a lot here, and an email probably won’t be able to get to the bottom of it.

I appreciate you reaching out and wanting to understand better your religion and where your mom might be coming from. I’m honored and happy to help—if what follows is any help.

It’s great you and your fiancé want to get married. It’s great that you’re dealing with the important issues in the early stages of your planning. It’s great that the involvement of your family is very important to you.

You mention your desire to keep conflict to a minimum. You’re aware that your wedding, as you propose it, already contains a certain degree of conflict with your religion and with your mother. You’re seeking a clearer understanding of what the Church permits and prohibits regarding your initial plans. You’re also seeking some advice on what’s the best way forward for you, for your marriage and for your family.

You ask whether the church prohibits catholics from participating in non-catholic or non-christian weddings. I presume with this question that you have your mom’s participation in mind. And, since you know how seriously she regards the instructions of the Church, any permissions or prohibitions would be important for her to consider. The positive prohibition that comes first to mind for me is from scripture which we’re all supposed to take seriously and that’s our Lord’s words “Whosoever shall scandalize one of these little ones that believe in me; it were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he were cast into the sea (Mk 9:41).” It’s conceivable that your mom considers her participation in your wedding outside the church as scandalizing other impressionable members of your family including yourself.

Of course, the question of your mom’s participation in a non-catholic or non-christian wedding is secondary to your own participation in your own non-catholic or non-christian wedding. The Church is also very clear about this: “Only those marriages are valid which are contracted before a priest…in a parish church (Code of Canon Law, Canons 1108 §1; 1117; 1118 §1).” This means, that if you and your fiancé wish to marry validly as far as your religion is concerned, then insisting on a non-catholic or non-christian marriage presents an irreconcilable inconsistency. There can be exceptions to this form for when a catholic chooses to marry a non-catholic or a non-Christian but only with the permission of the bishop.

Lots of Catholics are unaware that they are bound to marry in the Church. And lots of Catholics go ahead and get married at a barn or at a beach or at the courthouse unaware that they still require, for the validity of their marriage, to get married in the Church. A practical problem comes later on when they want to resume sacramental life in the Church, whether it’s going back to confession for the first time in a while, or receiving Holy Communion at Mass or bringing a baby to be baptized. The problem is that their decision—whether they were aware of it or not—to proceed with such little regard for the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony requires their marriage be made valid before they can proceed to participate validly in the other Sacraments of the Church.

Another, probably simpler way to put it is to ask “What do you have against the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony?” It’s the sacrament that unites a couple’s love with Christ’s love in such a way that the couple—promising to love each other until death—becomes an icon of the love of God. It’s hard to consider why any believer wouldn’t want that for his relationship with his own bride—to have their married love exist in direct relation to the Divine love. What’s at stake is that your proposing to separate yourself publicly and formally from the Sacramental life of the Church. You say you aren’t in anyway against Catholicism and I believe you now. But, if you should proceed to marry apart from the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, then you will be taking a stand publicly and formally against Catholicism, whether it feels like it to you or not.

It’s reasonable for a mom or dad to recoil from participating in their child’s public separation from the Sacraments of the faith in which they were raised—especially when that separation is caused by a marriage which could have very easily taken place in the Church. What they owe you as your parents is secondary to what they owe God as your parents. You ask whether the church prohibits practicing catholics, particularly parents from participating in their child’s non-christian wedding.  If the church isn’t so explicit on that point, it can only be because of how carefully and what great pains she takes to make the more important point: catholics are bound to marry in the church. What obligation do parents have to bend over backward to participate in an invalid wedding?

I haven’t said much about how holy a thing it is for a man and a woman to promise love and fidelity until death. I haven’t said much either about how wonderful it would be and what the eternal repercussions would be if you and your fiancé both would return to the church. But that’ll have to be for another time.

I’d only add, pray about it. Your folks may be right. I know that’s tough to hear, especially when your heart now belongs to someone who hardly believes as your parents do and as you once did. But pray about it. God can change hearts. And as the man of the house, which you soon will be, you’ll be taking a step in assuming the great responsibility that God has for you.

You and your fiancé are in my prayers.

I know this reply has gone long. Let me know if this helps or where else I can be clearer.

Yours,

Fr. Drew

Sluggish

Joachim Patinier, "Saint Jerome in the Desert"

I noticed the thought of giving a good example to the seminarian, who also struggles with sluggishness in the morning, was just the ticket to get me out of bed.  Now, if I had only had that thought an hour earlier.

Father Leo Trese

I recently picked up "Vessel of Clay" by Father Leo Trese.  It looks like I may not have to write the book after all.  This guys pretty much right on with what I was thinking.  I'll give more of a review after I'm done reading it.

Update

Raphael "Saint Michael"

I've been back from my 2-weeks away for about 8 days now.  It's been slow getting back to anything resembling a 5:00 AM wakeup to start Matins on time.  The consequence has been that I've been playing catchup during the mornings for most of the last week.  This includes this morning.

I wonder if my swimming—which I've been quite regular with these three weeks—needs to be earlier in the day.  It seems the more it's a late-afternoon swim, the herder it is to get up the next morning.  It's hard enough to get up in the morning, no need to make it harder.  An earlier swim shouldn't be too tough to arrange.

Thinking of writing a book

It would be a manual about the parish priesthood.  "Pro-tips for Parish Priests" or some sort of thing.  It wouldn't be a spirituality of the parish priesthood.  It wouldn't be a theology of the priesthood.  Just considerations related to the professional work and life of the parish priesthood.

I can see part one being the plan of a parish priest: daily; weekly; monthly; yearly; always.  I can see another part being particularly parochial responsibilities: sacramental, catechetical, juridical.  I can see another part being an assortment of particularly useful virtues, skills and best practices.

If it were called "A layman's guide to the parish priesthood," then, as ironic as it may sound—in that the book would be firstly for priests and not laymen—that would still actually be the tone.

From afar

My 2-weeks vacation ends tomorrow. I've kept up the canonical hours. Matins, however, has not been so early and Lauds and Vespers have been from the new breviary. But it's all still been a success. 


Some resolutions from these last weeks have been: prefer study; finer sanctuary details; abhor weaponizing the old mass; eschew tradi-blogs; promote both priestly and lay secularity

Still at it

Correggio, "Martyrdom of Four Saints"

Today up at 4:45 AM.

Goal is begin 30 mins of mental prayer by nlt 6:30 AM after having completed matins and Lauds.  I'll give myself an hour for m/l.  So, I'll post this, jump in the shower, then get to the church to start to pray.  This takes care of a 7:00 AM start time for prime.  Fine.  It doesn't take care of a 6:00 AM start time for Lauds.  But I can work on that later.

Quantum Leap

4:15 AM is a Quantum Leap.  It doesn't get much earlier than this.
I'll let you know how it goes.
One thing is to focus on the 6:00 AM start for Lauds.
That's all for now.

Saint Aloysius Gonzaga

"Saint Aloysius Assists Victims of the Plague" 

We're moving in the right direction.

Getting more practice.  One benchmark has been to begin Prime at 7:00 AM.  This has been successful now for going on two weeks.

I like this idea of "lavishing minutes" on the Lord's work.  Confer the first and second versions of the third verse of "America the Beautiful."  The third version conveys it in different words, but also nicely.

Saint John tells it best in Revelation: "Love for life did not deter them from death."  It's this idea of cherishing more intensely the things that should be more intensely cherished.  In Revelation it refers to gaining the victory in the angelic warfare over satan by the Blood of the Lamb.  In my recitation of the Divine Office, it refers to gaining the victory over my laziness, my lack of diligence and my desire to cheat God by the Blood of the same Lamb for the sake of the faithful.

So, even if my own "free time" (whether there should even be such a thing is a different story) is something I cherish, how about cherishing the Lord's work more and not deterring myself from it for any lesser good.

One goal that has begun to emerge has been Matins at 5:00 AM, Lauds at 6:00 AM, Prime at 7:00 AM, Mass at 8:00 AM, Terce at 9:00 AM.

For this, Reveille will really probably need to be at 4:15 AM.  If it's at 4:30 AM, 5:00 AM won't happen.  Not the end of the world.  But I do want to get Lauds situated at 6:00 AM just like I've been managing to do with Prime at 7:00 AM.  This will allow the 30 Minutes of mental prayer to lead up to Prime after Lauds.  It will free up the time leading up to Mass, perhaps for confessions.

It will allow the Lord's Work time to breathe, instead of piling it up one hour upon the next non-stop. The whole thing, if I'm not careful—Matins through Terce (including Mass)—can all happen in pretty much one  uninterrupted stream of recited prayers.  Which  means, about 120 minutes of non-stop recitation.  That's a lot.  And if I'm hurrying at all, it's gross and not at all pleasing to the Lord. Putting a "scourge" into the hand of the Divine Master, a la Tra le Sollecitudine.

Lavishing the minutes so that the Lord's Work is spread out more, gives it a chance to breathe.  Makes it real nice.  Something you can invite folks to pray.

4:30 AM

The thought has occurred to me to give this a try, soon

This morning

Matins started at 6:05 AM.

"The Presentation of Christ" (From the Altar of Phillip
the Bold), Melchior Broederlam, 1399

I took my time, "lavishing" precious minutes on the Lord's work—without looking at the clock until it was done.
I finished at 6:59 AM.
I started Prime at 7:00 AM.
After Prime, about 7:11 AM, I set up for Mass including prepping the linens for Jane and started 30 Minutes of Mental Prayer.  This took my right up to 8:00 AM Mass.
I should say, I bumped up the Martyology reading up one minute, and tomorrow I'll bump it up another minute, this, so I can begin Mass punctually at 8:00 AM instead of 8:02 AM.

I'm keeping  in my back pocket the ideas of sliding the whole thing 15 minutes earlier again, but what will this gain?

This morning it would've gained 15 minutes before the start of 7:00 AM Matins.  But what for?  Coffee?  That doesn't sound right.  A "head call?" That could actually be reasonable some mornings.  Longer Matins?  That will be the case on greater feasts.   A prompt 6:00 AM start could help there, too.

Let's finish this week, including Sunday with the current plan.  And let's try the 5:00 AM reveille next week and compare.  Note, this also means 8:30 PM Compline, as opposed to 8:45 PM which it's been this week.  This'll also mean being strict regarding ending it all at the end of the day.  I foresee, for instance, Sunday evenings having to be dome with dinner with the guys and walking out the door at 8:15 PM.  That's way (by almost 30 mins) earlier than usual.  It could be good though.  One of the guys does it already to make it back for his 8:00 PM TV show he likes (lame, but at least he makes it out to begin with).

Keep in mind, this is about doing the Lord's work, the "Divine Office."

Canonical Hours

"Christ and the Adulteress" Lorenzo Lotto, 1528

I love it.  It's been hard getting the exact schedule that works.
Wouldn't you know, what's been working lately has been 6,7,9,12,3,6,9—more or less.

Going public with it in the parish will add an extra dimension of accountability.

So far, I've also needed to get used to the Latin, too.  That's taken some time.

Looking ahead, a daily posted announcement of when which hours will be recited publicly could be very useful for me and them.

Now it's the end of May

"Madonna and Child in a landscape" Giorgione, 1504

6:15 AM.  How hard is that?  Do what you need to do.  Get to bed at whatever time you need to get to bed.  Wake up at whatever time you need to wake up.  But get your self in the church, ready to pray at 6:15 AM.  Not rocket science.

Now It's May

"Madonna" Correggio, 1516

And time we get it back in gear.

We've cleared First Communion, Confirmation, May Procession, Sodality Union, and Holy Week liturgies.  Things are settling down.  Which means time to hit that stride again.

I've been off the wagon, that is the M/L-before-Mass Wagon for over a week.  Let's correct that.

Now it is April

Nearly a month since the last update.

Some reporting is due.

Wakeup time needs to be 5:00 AM.  M/L total time is down while also not feeling so rushed.  This has to do with familiarity with the Latin.  It's natural.  M/L is really now around 45 mins (this morning it was 38 minutes).  This gets me safely to school for the 7:40 AM prayer.

A 5:15 AM wake up would give away the edge gained by the increased-familiarity with the Latin.  I'm not getting better at the Latin so I can sleep more, I'm getting better at the Latin so I can pray more.

"Lamentation of Christ" van der Weyden, 1460-1463

There's a two-hour penance I like to practice—I can tell you more about that another time—which in order to get 2 good hours, that needs to have begun before 5:30 AM, since I'm on the road by about 7:30 AM for school.  So this means I've at least showered and gotten started by say 5:20 AM or so.  Hence a 5:15 AM wakeup cuts that too close.

The start-time for M/L is what has wobbled these last four weeks.  There is much ground to gain by way of consistently beginning M/L by a set time.  I'd set that broadly between 5:45 AM and 6:00 AM.

A 5:45 AM church-unlock should give time for coffee but no internet.  I'm totally fine with that.  This would reliably start M/L by 5:50 AM.  M/L would then end by 6:35 AM and the half-hour of meditation would then end by 7:05 AM.  Prime would then be done by 7:15 AM.  This would give me about 15 minutes—to do what with?  I don't know.  I have used that time in the past to blog.  I won't use that time to excuse a 5:15 AM wake up.  I have used that time, in part to set up for Mass, which is completely reasonable.  I could then—get ready for it—plan my day.  That would be astonishing.  Let's work on that.

That's been another development these last weeks is a significant though not yet at all total weening from the internet time-suck.

I've now also begun working on a study chunk of time as well as recovering the swim time which I've completely lost.

I"m zeroing in on a workable time to get things started.

Le Sueur, "St. Gervaise" 1652

The 5:00 AM wakeup is working.  It's the start-time for Matins and Lauds that's in flux.  If I start at 5:50 AM  I'd be done, on average by 6:50 AM.  Prime then would start at 7:20 AM and I'd be on time to make it to school for the 7:40 AM prayer.  Right?  No.  Why?  I'm rushing the recitation of the hours.  Literally saying the words about as fast as I can, intelligibly.  This is death, as I've noted earlier.  I need more time.  Would five minutes help?  Let's start with that and see.  Even if it's not a full five minutes.  What if I open the Church at 5:45 AM?  How does that sound?  Still not a ton of time.  And for longer offices, not much difference.

Right now I've been starting M/L 55 minutes after wakeup.  This has got to shrink.  I've been getting into the kitchen more than 30 minutes and sometimes more than 35 minutes after wakeup.  That's gotta shrink.  Coffee and headlines have taken more than ten minutes and sometimes almost twenty.  Not much to shrink there, except that I can improve the mindset that it's a brief cup of coffee and a quick glance at headlines.  I could skip it altogether.  But for now I'd rather not.  I could also front-load the coffee/headlines to right at wakeup.  That may make it take longer, but it may make showering and such go quicker.  I'm intrigued there.

I'd like to aim for opening the church at 5:40 AM.  Of course a sure-fire way of nailing this would be to publish it in the bulletin or to announce it on Sundays.  That's not just the nuclear option.  It's also a goal.  To publish the times when the church is regularly opened for prayer.  That's not unreasonable.

Another resolution:

A not hot shower in the morning.  This, I expect could have a two-fold benefit of saving time and waking up the body.  I'll try it on Day One of Lent, tomorrow.  Let's see if this puts me in the kitchen with the coffee before 5:30 AM.

I Love Preaching

Lately, I'm discovering the responsibility of preaching to be an increasingly humbling obligation.  The better I preach, the more effective the homily, the more awesome the responsibility.  My sense of the enormity of the obligation is accelerating as my improvements merely sputter along sometimes good sometimes meh.

This should cause me to double-down on prep.  I admire a friend who seems so committed to improving the preaching constantly, week in and week out.

Nothing to report on the resolution for 1 whole week.

"St. Nick"
Gozzoli

Let's let it be, in terms of reporting here on it.

For one thing it plays fast-and-loose with the border between "useful writing exercise" and "too much information."  Out of respect for that border.  That'll be all for now until at least 3/1 on the resolution.

I'll have to find something else to get wordy about in the meantime.  Wish me luck figuring out what that might be.